“The Self in Written Fruition” and “The Environment: Conscience and Consciousness”

        I applied to Gallatin because I thought it was wonderful that students could combine their interests and construct a concentration that was really personal and meaningful as opposed to choosing one thing and abandoning their other ideas. I also love small seminars where students can delve really deeply into a discussion and learn from one another. My educational goal when I came to Gallatin was to simply learn as much as possible, and become more well read, insightful, and a better writer. I was hoping that through various classes I would discover more clearly what I wanted to pursue and explore. My goals haven’t changed so much as they have become more specific. I now have an idea for my concentration and I plan on keeping that concept in my mind as I choose and experience more courses, read, write, and make the most out of the next two years.

      The educational experiences that have been the most influential to me have been the small classes where I can read and write the most. They have been courses where the professors expanded my thinking in a way I hadn’t imagined. Most of these courses have been Gallatin writing or interdisciplinary seminars, although two were quirky art classes in Steinhardt, two were poetry and writing workshops, and two were philosophy courses (one called “Environmental Ethics” and the other “Learning and the Meaning of Life”). I have also taken three or four courses dedicated solely to environmental issues, which I found really fascinating. All of these courses made me fall in love with various writers and ways of thinking. They have caused me to develop an interest in the history of human thought and how writers and creators today have to look backward as well as forward. In general, I have learned a lot about poetry, literary theory, philosophy, ethics, art, feminism, environmental issues, and technological creativity. I realize I am particularly interested in the way people take their inner experiences and thoughts and turn them outward into concrete expressions that we can perceive, appreciate, and analyze. This new understanding has inspired me to read more and become well versed with the great minds that have moved others thus far.

       In trying to define what specifically I am drawn to intellectually, I have noticed that I am intrigued by the way ideas, ideologies, and themes have evolved and shifted over time and how these changes can be detected in various texts. I want to study human thought, identity, self-expression, emotion, and behavior in both fiction and non-fiction texts. I like the idea of exploring the “self” in written form. These interests lead me to combine a few areas: literature and poetry, psychology, and philosophy. Philosophers, especially the existentialists, tend to look inward first in order to form their view of the outside world, as well as their place in it (and humanity’s place in general). In many texts, both fiction and non-fiction, literary critics have used various theoretical lenses to study the language and devices used, and have demonstrated how they reflect on the mind of both the characters within, and the author herself. However, often, the “self”, the mindset of an individual, or her general way of thinking can be gleaned from the simple sense of the text—what the characters say and feel, what is happening in the text, and the basic way that the author chose to put together the work. I am interested in exploring written material in both ways. I like the idea of seeing and analyzing texts from a human or humanist lens—placing particular importance on how the texts are a form of creative expression and communication, an extension of the “self” or the human experience.

     In terms of my Environmental Studies Minor, I have always been deeply interested in and curious about the world around me, and I look forward to having some science background that can be applied to the enormous issues we are facing environmentally. In some ways, I can even combine the ideas of identity with environmental thought and ethics, because society today (and future societies), must figure out where they stand in regards to the environment—and decide how much nature should be a part of the human identity. Obviously, we are an undeniable part of nature.

            These interests lead me to a few conclusions about my future. Perhaps they are still a bit vague, but I expect the next two years will provide more clarity. One is that I love the genre of creative non-fiction, because it is a form of written, creative expression that describes real experiences. I was just accepted into the Master Class for Creative Non-Fiction, so I am very excited about pursuing this genre—I think it may be one of my strengths. Another conclusion is that I do not want to forsake my love for poetry. There is something about poetry that really moves me, and I believe it is because poems are such a brief, dense, and powerful window into a poet’s mind. Often a poet can articulate a peculiar, fleeting feeling or concept that is meaningful, if not familiar, to almost anyone. I enjoy the idea that in poetry, each word has meaning. Another basic conclusion I have come to, is that I want to research, write and explore intellectual or creative ideas in my career. This desire will most likely lead me into academia, but perhaps it can also be applied in the sphere of free-lance writing for journals and other publications, or in the environmental arena. Writing for the Washington Square News made me realize that I’m not particularly interested in journalistic writing, but rather a more intellectual, academic kind of writing, that is probably more complex, and more personal. I really enjoy reading opinion articles in the New Yorker, for example, or literary essays in the New York Review of Books. I am fascinated by the passionate, vivacious discourse between academics that often takes place in literary journals or other academic publications.

            For the remainder of my time at Gallatin, I want to take courses each semester that balance the areas of literature and poetry, philosophy, psychology, and environmental studies. I am not very interested in the psychology department at NYU, as I did not enjoy “Intro to Psychology”. However, I feel there are many Gallatin ID Seminars that can provide me with the important psychological and psychoanalytical concepts that would be meaningful to my area of study. I want to pursue my writing in a more intense way, and possibly try to have certain essays and poems published. I am eager to find internships at literary publications or places where intellectual discourse is a priority. Perhaps my senior year I will do an independent study where I plan a course that fits my own goals and interests as they become more defined. For me, the meaning of such a course of study, is that I gain a solid background in thinking and writing in a certain way. Hopefully by graduation, I will be relatively well read (with much more to learn, of course), but I will have the tools to delve into any research project or writing assignment, and engage in intellectual exchanges that require complex thought, analysis and articulation—especially those revolving around themes of literature, personhood, and creative expression. I will also be prepared to contribute my skills in the environmental sphere, or simply write with an awareness of our earth and the current dilemmas we face. I’m guessing that being able to view ideas through these various lenses (theoretical, psychological, philosophical, and environmental) will be both helpful and fulfilling in most cases. I feel that this course of study connects to most endeavors I would pursue. Being aware of the “self” and how others express, define, and articulate what is within, is invaluable in almost any situation. The ability to write well is also invaluable.

     As I wrote in my college application essay, the more you know, the more you know how much you don’t know. To me, this idea is inspiring rather than discouraging. I want to keep this thought in mind (and a pen in hand!) as I move forward on my academic trajectory.

Often I think about what it means to interact with and survive in the world, from various points of view. Obviously I am most informed about what it means to be female in the world, and so I can definitely say from an intellectual and personal point of view, that women need each other. We will always need each other as long as the human race survives. In our society (in all societies) women are in some way objectified (more strongly in some, and more subtlely in some), considered inferior, given fewer opportunities, are victims of violence, mockery, underestimation, harassment, and just plain pressure to thrive in a world where their beauty is demanded yet scrutinized, and the force of their intellect and creativity is not always expected or respected (yet often when it is put forth, it is not considered a major or necessary aspect of their character). Although these injustices are not consistently the case, they are present in every society in the world. Despite the development of our minds and our gadgets, we have not been able to abolish it.

In some ways, I think that many of the problems women face are so unyielding because they stem from something that we cannot change: our bodies. In a biological and anatomical sense, we are the receivers. Our bodies are extraordinarily strong in some ways (our pain threshold has been proved on the whole to be stronger than men because our bodies have been developed so that we can endure childbirth without losing consciousness) but weaker in others (although not all men are stronger than all women…on the whole the muscular strength and size of men is larger. Obviously, if genders were completely equal in strength, domestic violence towards women would not be a specific issue). In addition, our bodies are equipped with instincts that urge us to nurture, care for, and forgive others (mainly our children) even when we are extremely fatigued, angry, or pained. But I believe that often these instincts lead us to tolerate treatment that is not acceptable from others. Men are not equipped with these instincts, which in the modern world can serve them well in many cases.

Essentially, what I am saying is that given these physical characteristics, which can be wonderful, but also disadvantageous, women need each other. Just the simple fact that we must endure egregious amounts of pain every month, let alone pain the equivalent of fracturing 20 bones when we give birth, makes me feel that all females are linked in some way. We should celebrate the beauty of what we can do, like men celebrate what they can do. In a more practical sense, we must see the common thread in all of us that is at its most physical root, our organs. These organs give us something that is both beautiful and painful—the burden of mothering humanity. Of course, not every woman should be or wants to be a mother, but ultimately we need females to continue the human race. Therefore, why should we not mother each other? We must face the world together—a world that needs us so much, but does not always know how to treat us. Without one another we have no future of empowerment, we cannot live.

In my life I have experienced so much hostility, betrayal, and resentment from females, and so many cases of females detesting each other for reasons that are not justified. Why sabotage, pick at, or be jealous of one another? Especially of another woman’s beauty? All of our beauty will fade. Our value does not lie in our beauty. Isn’t our beauty in the vitality of our spirits and the strength of our minds? A good man will see this in us—why can’t we see it in ourselves? Why be jealous of another woman’s happiness? Let’s find happiness with each other. It is not difficult to do, when you have the real joy of female friendship. Why be jealous of another woman’s success? The definition of success should re-defined in a broader way as the ability to find joy in our existence and the smallest of things that we can experience and perceive. Every woman has control over that. Last of all, human bodies and minds have developed so that we are able to really feel love. A profound kind of love that can even override our animal instincts. Of course, anger, sadness, bitterness and jealousy are natural and necessary emotions for us to function in society, be human, and protect ourselves. But, in the cases between women when these emotions are unnecessary and superfluous, why can’t we love each other instead? Not only will it lead to a more happy and cohesive society, but it’s just easier.

Society will not always see us or treat us as equal to one another. Some women will be labeled more kindly than others. But why don’t we opt out of this system of degradation? Let’s choose to raise each other up and support each other without implementing this shallow value system that causes us feel insecurities, and to turn on one another. Let’s just not buy into it! We can create our own system of appreciation and respect and hopefully the men will follow along.

Much love to my fellow women

<3,

R